Can't sleep...

It's Wednesday evening, around 11:30pm and I can't sleep. I just got my insurance update. Because of my wreck I'm now paying 4x as much for my insurance. I may have to switch companies to see if I can get a lower rate elsewhere. I may also have to sell my car and get one with a lower monthly payment. All of this is kind of sudden.

I called Brenton when I got the news. I just needed some support. No Dr. Phil moments or anything. Just an understanding voice on the other end of the call. I could never have done that with my ex. It would have been a huge "you brought this on yourself" trip if I had brought up the fact my insurance rates quadrupled. It's a lonely feeling when life forces you to make big decisions, and the one person who should be by your side, just stands back and waits to see if you fall flat on your face.

So B, thank you for listening.

Where'd I go???

Well, after receiving a few ominous emails about what I'm doing with my life, and after Brenton casually dropping hints about me not posting, I figured I'd at least respond to my adoring fan. Since my last post I have pretty much just kept myself very busy. The chorus had a performance in Napa on Saturday so I was able to keep my weekend moving along. This week was nice and hectic. I'm amazed at how time flies when you're mind is occupied. When my brain isn't occupied it tends to overwhelm itself. Work, more specifically software engineering seems to help me focus and keep from spiraling into a "what-if" black hole.

My biggest fear was once I began to heal emotionally, that my feelings for Brenton would change. I was hesitant because I didn't want to grow away from him. Now I'm realizing that the only way I can truly enjoy being with him is to take the risk of healing. He's a wonderful guy and there's no reason why a stronger healed me wouldn't fall head over heels for him.

So there's my week in a nutshell. I'm still here, plugging away at my new routine.

HNT #2

This is a picture that Brenton took this afternoon in my pool... We've been laughing about how it makes me look like a superhero with a tiny waist and big thighs and a spectacular butt!

Aussiebums and my Aussie's bum

I have taken the pic of me in that pair of swim "trunks" from aussiebum. I swear, I have no idea where aussiebum get's their models from, but they need to find some who actually have an ass. When I first put this pair on, my backside looked like a large set of hooters strapped into a halter top. I was showing more crack than Whitney's bathroom! Took a bit of adjusting to find that balance between coverage for my bum, and making sure my bits didn't fall out. I tried to take a pic from behind, but it only turned out so-so. I'll have to wait for B to take one like the model pic for real comparison.

IML .. what a weekend

It's been a while since I've posted. This past weekend I meet my dear friend Darryl Chew in Chicago for IML (International Mr. Leather). It was my first time to experience this event. And what an experience. There was the usual show of porn stars similar to other large sponsored events like San Francisco Pride. I did the "newbie" thing and had my pic taken with a couple of them. I wasn't going to post them, until I noticed that Brenton had mentioned two of them in his blog.

So here are my pics with Luke Garret and Gage Weston. They are a real life couple and work for Colt Studios. This gives you an idea of how tall they are. Granted, they are as wide as they are tall, but still. Camera angles do make all the difference. I only chatted with them briefly, but they both were very friendly and seemed quite down to earth. I was very impressed. I would have been more impressed if they'd given me a room key! LOL. Then Brenton would really have some pics for Pornolicious!

The big event for me was on Sunday evening at the House of Blues. It was your basic dance party, and I had been given a VIP pass to the uber special floor where supposedly only very important people hang out. Yeah.. whatever. Although Bruce Villanche was there! To picture what the House of Blues is like, imagine an old theater, with a large 1st floor and 2 or 3 more floors for seating, wrapping around a stage. On the sides of the 3rd floor, there were "box areas" that looked to be separated from the rest. Well, of course, being the shy thing that I am, I walked right into one of those box areas. There were a lot of hot muscular guys int his little area. One of whom was the guy that sold me some of the leater gear you see in the pic. So I stood there with my drink and chatted with a hot stud or two. Then one comes up and asks what company I'm with. Huh? Apparently I had walked right past the door person and into the porn star area. They all thought I was one of them. They just didn't know who I was. I just said I was fresh meat. They all laughed and I got a few lusty looks. It was a little overwhelming so I headed back down to the dance floor.