First shot is fired...

Now I'm no saint and the obvious tends to pass right past me. This can be a dangerous combination. Now add a little side of adult ADD and you've got fireworks that would make the White House proud.

You'll have to refer to my previous post if you want the back story. But tonight, I was expecting some "company." Now don't go getting all huffy, Brenton is well aware of this. You do what you have to given the circumstances. But anyway, I figured that my ex, who already has a fairly serious boyfriend, and has had his share of "fun" for the last few months, wouldn't mind. Well, okay, so it was actually a bit rude and inconsiderate of me. I should have told the "company" to come back some other time. It would have really been the respectable thing to do.

But NO.

So, when we are alone, he begins to regale me as to how much he hates the sight of me. How I am the reason that we are in the "mess" we are in. How he cannot stand to be with someone who would just decide that the relationship was over. How every day I was in the house he was going to make my life hell and anyone I invited over he would treat badly.

Then he proceeds to tell me that I am going to move out, sign over the title to the house to him, and he will compensate me for what he thinks my "equity" in the house should be. And it would just be enough to get an apartment.

??????????

Between the personal attacks and the absurdity of his offer I was rather stunned and confused. I apologized for being an incosiderate ass, and not telling my "company" to go. But the rest of it was this seething pot of anger, resentment and hatred that found me as its target. Yes I hurt him. I didn't think it was possible, but for the first time in our "relationship" I finally realized that was how he dealt with being hurt. Anger, and lots of it.

I actually felt sorry for him. Not pity sorrow, just compassion. Sorry that he stood there and held back tears with hate. Sorry that I brought this out in him. I think he has known this about himself for a long time, and he hates the fact that I do this to him. He hates the fact that I bring something he finds despicable to the surface. Something that reminds him too much of someone or something else in his life that he has tried so hard not to imitate.

...

Obviously nothing has been resolved. I even had to call my mother and wake her up I was so upset. Brenton called me as well. And between the two of them my head and heart are in a better place now. Speaking of better places, my bed is calling.